Challenging Inceldom: Women Aren’t Responsible for Male Loneliness

The study of human loneliness has been going on for decades, with many wondering

how, in a world of millions of people, there are still those of us lacking human connection. However, there is a wave of lonely people who have taken an inability to find love and sex to a new, depraved level.

We refer to them as “incels.”

Incels, commonly known colloquially as “involuntarily celibate,” generally refers to a

radicalized group of men who believe their core inability to have access to “feminine-

coded services” is the explicit fault of women, feminism, and their unwillingness to submit to their often-extreme belief system.

In this blog, we’ll explore the origin of inceldom, its core beliefs, male loneliness, and why women aren’t always responsible for the downfall of men.

The author and team at Yoni Mudra Art Gallery understand that this is a loaded topic.

And while no one associated is afraid to call out misogyny, please understand that this

is an inclusive space for anyone willing to learn. At the end of the article, there will be various supports for ANYONE struggling with their mental well-being.

Without further ado, let’s explore.

The Inception of “Incel”: Where Innocence is Lost

Would it make you spit out your drink if I told you the original website that spiraled into the incel movement was started by a woman named Alana? She was a Canadian university student who started a blog and mailing list as a way to help lonely people connect, vent and support each other.

This is the story of Alana’s Involuntary Celibacy Project.

In a BBC article written by Jim Taylor, the woman, who goes only by Alana, recalls the

state of the internet in 1997. Facebook, Instagram, and MySpace — common social media outlets simply didn't exist.

According to the article, Alana was simply a mid-twenty-something-year-old virgin who didn't understand why romance was such a challenge for her.

Alana states she felt being a virgin in her mid-twenties made her a “late bloomer,” as many of her peers had already experienced romantic relationships in their teenage years. In fact, it was almost laugh-worthy if you hadn’t had any experience by then.

The then Toronto-native came up with a creative solution for the time: a website to help

love-starved individuals of any gender connect and support one another. It started small, a website where she posted articles, sent out a mailing list, and created an overall friendly digital environment. While there were certainly sour grapes among the bunch, she recalls it fondly for the most part.

Little did she know this once innocent project would give birth to something much, much more nefarious.

Alana would go on to change “involuntarily celibate” to incel after some discourse on

adjusting the name. By the 2000s, she would leave the movement behind optimistically, feeling the site she created would continue regardless of her influence.

Now, we look at the incels of today.

Inceldom and the Black Pill: Extreme Loneliness & Targeted Violence Against the Feminine

Throughout the 2000s, a website was created to support lonely singles who struggled

with social confidence, and connection gradually evolved into a subculture linked to

real-world harm — even deaths.

Today, the term incel describes men who struggle with an inability to obtain sex,

romantic relationships, and what we earlier classified as "feminine-centred services."

They primarily lurk in online communities and regularly bolster an often extremely

misogynistic ideology.

In their minds, their lack of success in pursuing women is linked to the perceived

failures of women themselves, rather than any personal moral failing. Suppose any IS actually acknowledged (i.e., being anti-social, feeling unaccomplished, wealth disparity, or even a lack of social awareness); in that case, it is rarely the man who is deemed the core of the issue.

Rather, it's a combination of women's unachievable standards, a post-feminist society that supports them, and a lack of masculine-forward policies, social qualities, and superiority.

Often, those who exist in incel communities suffer from some form of mental illness, but we’ll explore more on that later.

One of the perhaps most popularized cases of a “real-life incel” in the digital age would be the case of Elliot Rodger. Rodger, a then 22-year-old man with a background of abject privilege, struggled when it came to obtaining the women he desired. As a result, he would commit one of the most violent crimes driven by an admitted desire to harm women and anyone whom he deemed capable of obtaining what he couldn’t.

I won’t rehash that case here, but I will highlight the insights of his father, Peter Rodger,

which you can review in this ABC article:

"Elliot was far from evil. Something happened to him. He was the most beautiful, kind, sweetheart of a boy. And something happened to him,"

he would go on to say in the article.

"I think that his mind was taken over by a disease."

To fully understand what we’re dealing with, I dug through the internet to find the most

commonly acknowledged values of this group.

They align with what is known as the Black Pill Movement:

Core Beliefs of Extreme Black Pill Ideology & Inceldom

● Women are viewed as shallow and hypergamous, believed to only pursue

wealthy, high-status, or attractive men.

● “Chads and Stacys” are seen as controlling the dating world, with attractive

men supposedly getting endless options and attractive women choosing only

them.

● Sex is framed as something men are owed, creating a sense of entitlement to

women’s bodies.

● Women are treated as enemies rather than equals, blamed for male

loneliness and rejection instead of considering social or emotional factors.

● Dating is seen as a rigged hierarchy, where incels believe their looks, income,

or status permanently exclude them, making self-improvement pointless.

● Misogyny is treated as objective truth, with hateful beliefs framed as “realistic”

rather than prejudiced.

● Violence is sometimes glorified, with extremist forums idolizing past attackers

as “saints” or “martyrs.”

Unbridled Violence, Documented

Alek Minassian rented the van weeks before he decided to kill as many people as

possible on a busy Toronto street, citing the misogynistic incel movement as being the

cause. He was charged with the murder of 10 people and the attempted murder of 16 more.

The movement blames women for men’s lack of sexual experience and overall happiness, leading to their decline in personal success and mental well-being. The attack occurred in 2018, but continues to circulate as a talking point when inceldom emerges.

The circumstances have become so severe with incel violent extremism; it's now being recognized as a national security risk. An act of terrorism against the feminine.

Re-Education: Women are NOT the Cause of Inceldom

Women are not the cause of inceldom. Being involuntarily celibate is fundamentally linked to the individual experience, including their social, emotional, and psychological factors — not the perceived behaviour of women. Ultimately, when it comes to the state of the self, we all have an inherent responsibility to do everything within our power to improve our position.

While fundamental factors may not make this process simple or may even make it challenging, it's extremely unhealthy to look at one core group and place the blame for

your circumstances on them. Rather, it's healthier to look at the broader picture and find solutions within it.

One study found that 75.3% of incels self-reported moderately severe or severe depression, and 67.1% reported moderate or severe anxiety.

In comparison, a meta-analysis of 375 CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) trials

(around 32,900 patients) found moderate-to-large effect sizes for disorders like depression, social anxiety, and generalized anxiety.

As well, there are resources for incels looking for support who want to get away from the movement or at least seek support and understanding through ETA Connect.

How to Protect the Feminine from Inceldom

We’ve talked a lot about incels and the impacts of mentally ill and sometimes violent

men on the feminine. But how do we truly combat something that seems to be permeating across the internet and the world at large?

1) Do NOT Accept it: While it isn’t a perfect science, and it is certainly not the job of women to “prevent” inceldom, you also don’t have to accept it. You are allowed to speak against it, you are allowed to reject men who exhibit those behaviours, and you’re allowed to remove people from your life who support it.

2) Seek Community: There are many feminist-forward spaces available for you where you can express yourself in safety. Yoni Mudra Art Gallery is one of those spaces.

3) Seek Safety: If possible, do not be afraid to report potential situations of harm or areas of concern. If you feel threatened, there are resources.

4) Never Stop Learning & Remain Vigilant: It’s important to understand the climate of the world we live in, especially as feminine people living in a world that still struggles with patriarchal issues. Taking the time to read blogs like this and taking steps to be aware can help you spot the warning signs.

The Yoni Mudra Art Gallery: A Resource of Peace, Education, & Healing for All

The Yoni Mudra Art Gallery is an inclusive art and community hub dedicated to celebrating the yoni anatomy (Sanskrit for vulva and the sacred womb space). Our mission is to promote the mental and physical wellness of people through yoga, dance, meditation, education, and spiritual healing. YMAG hosts regular art galleries and workshops, public lectures, and intimate conversations about bodily autonomy, sexual health, and self-expression and empowerment.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from mental health issues, thoughts of ending life, or domestic violence, see the resources below:

Canada.ca: Mental Health Resources.

Canadian Centre for Women’s Empowerment: Find Help Across Canada.