"Girl's Girls": Real Sisterhood vs. The Performance of Support

There has been a noticeable cultural shift in the way women interact with each other, especially online. If you have ever searched a hashtag or scrolled TikTok, you have likely encountered the term “girl’s girl,” which implies that a woman will stand on the side of another woman, particularly when interactions with men are involved.

Across internet forums and discussions, the term is often defined as:

“A woman who passionately supports, uplifts, and celebrates other women, fostering camaraderie rather than competition.”

The keyword to focus on here is competition. Historically, patriarchal systems have encouraged women to compete for male attention and approval and this dynamic reinforces patriarchal structures by discouraging alliances among women and instead, encouraging them to seek status through male acceptance.

Today, many women are moving away from traditional patriarchal expectations and are instead leaning on one another for support and protection. This shift is where the term “girl’s girl” enters the conversation.

But when does being a girl’s girl begin to clash with the performance of support? When do the actions associated with the label stop aligning with genuine sisterhood?

In this blog, we will explore the history of female competition, the rise of performative activism, and what it truly means to support other women.

Tracing the History of Female Rivalry Under Patriarchy

“Divide and conquer” has long served as a strategy of social domination. The Roman Empire practiced divide et impera, and similar tactics have appeared throughout history in class warfare, colonialism, and racial hierarchies. By setting opposing groups against one another, the dominant power maintains control without fear of disruption or rebellion from each opposing group.

Patriarchal systems have applied this same tactic to gender dynamics. In these systems, men benefit when women compete against one another. Historically, men have limited and/or controlled many opportunities (socially, economically, etc) available to women, thus turning male approval into a form of social currency that fuels rivalry.

This dynamic also helps explain the rise of the “pick-me” phenomenon in modern internet culture.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a condensed definition of a pick-me is:

“Pick-me (or pick me) is a slang term for a person, usually a young woman, seen as behaving in a contemptible way for attention and approval, usually from male peers. It is most often used in the expression pick-me girl, which disparages a young woman who is seen as faking interest in stereotypically male activities or conforming to traditional values at the expense of other women.”

These individuals are often associated with the phrase “not like the other girls.” This behaviour frequently relies on outdated and sexist ideas about femininity. It positions other women as shallow or undesirable stereotypes while presenting the individual as the exception to the rule.

Often, this involves distancing themselves from feminist stereotypes such as being “angry” or “entitled.” Instead, they present themselves as more traditionally feminine or “girly,” aligning their traits with what they believe men value.

So why discuss pick-me behaviour in an article about girl’s girls?

Because it highlights a long history of women feeling pressure to compete for male approval in order to gain social value. That pressure helped pave the way for a new cultural response: the girl’s girl. This figure represents a woman who actively supports, uplifts, and protects other women while rejecting patriarchal expectations and living according to her own standards.

Or at least, that was the intention.

The “Girl’s Girl” Phenomenon: Authentic Sisterhood and Its Performative Counterpart

According to writer Megan Hazlett on Medium, the term “girl’s girl” gained widespread popularity on TikTok in 2023. A girl’s girl is typically described as a woman who makes a conscious effort to foster positive relationships with other women without prioritizing male approval or validation.

She does not view other women as competition, but instead promotes solidarity and support within feminine spaces.

On the surface, the idea of a girl’s girl appears entirely positive. The concept encourages empowerment, friendship, and community among women. However, like many popular cultural labels, it also has a more complicated side.

Supporting and uplifting other women is a meaningful cause and strong female friendships can be deeply important for human connection and sharing lived experience among community.

However, when ideas gain social popularity and admiration, some individuals inevitably begin to perform those values rather than genuinely live by them.

This brings us to performative activism. 

The Core of Performative Activism: How Participation in a Movement Can Provide Social Benefits

Imagine this scenario:

You belong to a close-knit group of friends who genuinely enjoy each other’s company. You go out together for dinners, bowling nights, bingo, or whatever activities your group enjoys.

One day, a woman in the group casually becomes acquainted with another friend’s former boyfriend. Their relationship is entirely platonic, and the man is no longer connected to the group in any meaningful way.

Despite this, the former girlfriend begins criticizing the friend. She questions her character and accuses her of not being a “girl’s girl” simply because she maintains a casual connection with the former boyfriend.

Now imagine that the woman making these accusations already has a stable relationship, a supportive friend group, and a successful career. Even so, she feels threatened by the situation.

Suddenly, the “girl’s girl” label becomes a social weapon used to shame another woman. Ironically, the conflict still revolves around a man, even though the concept of being a girl’s girl is meant to decentre men entirely.

In this scenario, the resentment continues to revolve around male validation. The man remains the invisible focal point, even though the philosophy of girl’s girl culture claims to prioritize women’s well-being.

This is a common example of performative activism, or at least a shallow version of it.

Often, people approach movements with good intentions. However, internalized misogyny can still surface when personal insecurities or social status feel threatened.

In this situation, the underlying fear may be that another woman could receive validation or attention from a man, even if that man is no longer relevant to the person feeling threatened.

Performative activism often involves repeating the language of a movement without genuinely practicing its values. Individuals may adopt the appearance of activism because it provides social or digital benefits, such as attention, approval, or influence online.

In these cases, the support offered to a cause is largely symbolic. The individual may benefit socially or professionally while doing little to meaningfully support the movement itself.

Why might someone present themselves as a girl’s girl while still reinforcing patriarchal dynamics?

The answer is fairly simple. Cultural conversations are increasingly moving in a progressive direction, particularly during politically complex times. Publicly aligning with these values can generate admiration and attention, even if the individual does not fully practice them.

So what might a performative girl’s girl look like?

A performative girl’s girl may:

• Publicly champion women, but only when it brings social approval.

• Use “girl’s girl” language to shame or exclude other women.

• Support women selectively, especially when men are not involved.

• Treat male attention as scarce and worth competing over.

• Criticize other women using stereotypes reinforced by patriarchy.

• Prioritize men’s comfort over women’s boundaries.

• Treat solidarity as an identity rather than an active practice.

• Withdraw support when it threatens her status, image, or desirability.

Exploring True Sisterhood: Community Connection Through Yoni Art

While social media can amplify conversations about solidarity, genuine connections often happen in person. Online spaces are powerful tools, but real community support grows through shared experiences and meaningful interaction.

Strong community connections can also positively influence personal well-being. When people gather around a positive movement, they often build networks that extend far beyond the digital world.

This is one of the goals behind the Yoni Mudra Art Gallery.

The Yoni Mudra Art Gallery is a collective that offers courses, classes, and exhibitions centred around Yoni art. This form of art celebrates the beauty and uniqueness of the vulva while challenging the unrealistic beauty standards that patriarchal systems often impose on women’s bodies.

Visitors can explore artistic interpretations of the vulva, attend educational talks, and participate in discussions that challenge misconceptions about women’s bodies and sexuality.

Whether you consider yourself a “girl’s girl” or simply a woman looking to reconnect with the divine feminine, this space offers warmth, education, and community.

Activism does not always begin with protests. Sometimes it begins with education, conversation, and the creation of supportive communities built around shared experiences.

If you are curious about female empowerment, artistic expression, and community connection, the Yoni Mudra Art Gallery welcomes you. Stop by our café, enjoy a cup of coffee, and spend some time exploring the art, conversations, and educational opportunities we offer.

Visit us soon.